Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
