My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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