walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pooping to opera.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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