My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
