And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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