your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
