im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
