she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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