I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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