I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
