Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
