4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
