I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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