I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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