Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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