Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
