my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
