he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
