So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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