Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
