i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
