my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
