Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
