i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
