she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
