Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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