I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
