Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
