It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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