It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
