Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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