i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
