Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
