sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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