your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
