I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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