My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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