I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
