My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
