everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
