If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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