I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
