yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
