he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize