There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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