We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize