do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
