I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize