right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
