SEEEEXXX PLEASE
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
