When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish you could order shots online.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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