Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
