Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
