White coat. Heels.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
