Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
