it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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