I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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