see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
