No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
