question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
