He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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