Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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