Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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