i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
