Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
