Well apparently he's into motor boating.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
