Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize