dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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