I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
