Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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