I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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