i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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