Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
