its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
