I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
