if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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