My room smells like vodka and shame
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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