Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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