You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
