Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
