Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
