Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
