Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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