i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
