cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
