his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
