how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
