I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
