that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
