there's paper in my vomit.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
