We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
