O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
