Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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