Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
