With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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