this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
