3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
