She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
