I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
