i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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