I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
