...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
