Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
