just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
