Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
