just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
