So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
